I started 2023 in a place of worry and fear, something I had not struggled overly with before. Many of my plans I had for the year changed and much of it was still quite uncertain. I was uncomfortable and overwhelmed but this time allowed the Lord to show me how much I was reliant on what I could see, understand and control for peace instead of Him.
My prayer began then, that I would have intimacy with Him. That He would help me look to Him, not the things around me and that I would know and trust Him enough that even if all the circumstances around me were uncertain, I’d still have peace, simply because of who He is.
At a conference in March someone approached me and told me that the Lord wanted to offer me a ‘Solomon moment’ — ask for anything and He would give it to me. I panicked for a moment thinking I didn’t know what to ask for, but I quickly realised I did know what to ask for — intimacy. I was expecting everything to change that night, but for the following months I didn’t feel much difference and I still struggled a lot with worry mostly due to feeling a lack of control in my life.
I came back to Scotland in June and the worry still felt quite similar, in some ways, worse. But the Lord spoke to me about how He can provide. If I asked for intimacy He may not just give it to me, instead He would provide an opportunity for me to grow in intimacy with Him.
June, July, and August this year have been some of the most uncomfortable and challenging months of my life. Transitioning home from being away, trusting God with things I cared deeply about and trusting Him to look after me when starting new and unknown things. But in His grace and kindness these months allowed me to both understand and experience surrender to Him and intimacy with Him in ways I have not been able to before. Although its been a ‘hard’ season, I wouldn’t wish to change it and I’m so grateful for it because it allowed Him to answer my prayer and fulfill His promise; it really was an opportunity to grow in intimacy.
If you could ask God for one thing (like Fiona’s prayer for intimacy) in the midst of the season you’re in — what would you ask for?