Day 14

‘Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”’ Psalm 27:7-8 ESV

October last year was a really difficult month for me. In almost every area of my life, I was met with some level of disappointment and failure: in my relationships, work and career prospects, and my lackluster faith life, to name just a few.

My mental health was plummeting whilst the world around me continued ticking on, not slowing down for a second. I felt like I couldn’t even keep up with the average day-to-day activity. I was being swallowed by hopelessness, suffocated by discouragement, existing as just a shell of myself; externally — fine, normal; internally — spiraling. 

One specific evening during that month is etched into my memory though: on the bus home from work, I was praying, begging God to take away the rejection, insecurity and confusion that I was drowning in. I was so desperate for something tangible from Him to fix my problems; some sort of solution or a sign. But I felt like I wasn’t getting anything at all; like He wasn't with me anymore. My quiet praying being met with silence: a complete absence of the movement and miracles I heard people around me testifying about in their own lives. 

I started whispering the lyrics of a song I was listening to to Him: 

‘Show me Your face, Lord

Your power and Your grace

I would make it to the end

If I can just see Your face.’

As I whispered, the sun (appearing literally out of nowhere!) shone directly on my face — literally as the song swelled (timestamp: 5:20), blinding me with its brightness. It was so overwhelming I had to cover my eyes with my hands. The heat of the sun washed warmth over me. I felt God meeting me directly in that moment. 

Later that same week, the lovely Alex McKechnie mentioned Psalm 96 in her newsletter update. I read it, struck by how the encounter I’d had with God on the bus, that I couldn’t even articulate, was perfectly encapsulated in His Word: “Breathtaking brilliance and awe-inspiring majesty radiate from his shining presence. His stunning beauty overwhelms all who come before him.” (Psalms 96:6 TPT) 

After I got off the bus that day, the issues I was facing hadn’t suddenly resolved themselves or magically disappeared. But my perspective shifted dramatically: my feelings of defeat and despair were no longer overwhelming me but were overwhelmed by His presence. I fixed my eyes on Him; I felt His calmness stop the chaos of my mind; I no longer equated the silence that I heard with His absence but instead, saw a challenge for me to enter His stillness more attentively and expectantly as a place for Him to show me more of who He is.

‘And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.’ Psalms 9:10 ESV

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Rita Mataruka

Re:Hope Southside

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Read Psalm 96 and use it to pray for God’s goodness to shine through in your circumstances today.