DAY 17

Re:Hope Church

Content warning: this story contains references to abuse and self-harm. 

As a child, I was sexually and physically abused. Consequently, I internalised the lie that what others could get from me was intrinsic to my worth and spent my childhood appeasing everyone around me. I was angry for never being ‘good enough’ and had a hatred towards God for how He made me.

I struggled with self-harm and poor mental health. I thought I could create my own sense of freedom and security by denying every vulnerable part of me, living my life as a guy from 10 years old to 18 to not get hurt again. But I was barely surviving within the parameters of the power that shame and fear had on me. 

The only worth I found in myself was in my academics, so getting rejected from all my university choices crushed me. I felt worthless. In a final act of desperation, I ran away to Glasgow. 

During that time, I cried out to God:

“Please don’t let me die. Let’s try again.”

And He saved me, completely turning everything around. 

God’s given me such a kind and loving community here, with friends that care so deeply for others – not only in light-heartedness but also in wisdom and love that respects and cherishes vulnerability. The kind of love that encourages you to keep running in pursuit of God’s beauty! Through The Internship, God’s shown me that there is truly nothing that can separate us from His love. Sharing my past with friends and receiving unconditional love shifted the power dynamic between myself and fear. God has brought about so much healing and growth mentally and spiritually, and I no longer struggle with self-harm and poor mental health!

He has freed me from the shame and fear I thought I’d always be enslaved to and replaced it with great joy that can only be attributed to Him! He’s prepared a place for me with awesome friends, mentors and people, and I am forever grateful to and for Him!