At the start of March I got a text from my buddy Laura. She said she'd been praying for me and God had spoken to her about how He appreciates my passion and fire. Usually that would be an encouraging thing to receive, but this time it hit different.
For a couple of months I'd been aware that I was feeling a bit dull. I've come to refer to these few months as my numb season. Work felt pretty overwhelming and full of challenges that felt too big to get over. Discovering the dry rot infestation in the Southside building was one of those things. I'd spent those months trying to not let emotional turbulence get the better of me and to manage my stress. My strategy was to just try and dampen everything.
That text from Laura and her word from God didn't seem to fit with what was going on in my heart but, I thanked her for the text, received the encouragement but confessed that my passion was low. She wrote back and told me, 'God sees you. The fire is in you.'
So I thought since God said that and He speaks truth that I should believe it and take Him at His word. If it was fire and passion He wanted from me, it was time I got out of my funk and walked in the truth He'd spoken over me.
I knew that some of the challenges I was facing at work weren't going to go away, but that I wasn't going to lead Re:Hope Southside by numbing. So I started praying for the fire to come back. I started praying for life to return to Re:Hope Southside and for me to be a source and an example of that life.
Later in March, Jamie and I took a trip to Rome to visit old friends from Glasgow who live there. We went to church in Rome. Church in Italian. I don't speak Italian. I speak a little French and enough Spanish to kind of know what was going on. I didn't understand every word, but I understood every paragraph – at least enough to have a conversation about it later. I loved that.
We sang a song that Sunday that I'd never heard before. It's called Steady Heart and it's better in Italian – in my humble opinion. I sang so loud, man. I don't speak Italian – I for sure don't sing Italian. But everyone was singing, so I mean, what if you pronounce it wrong? Who cares? No-one is listening.
Dammi un cuore che non cede, dammi un cuore che non teme, guidami.
Dammi un cuore che perdona una fede che continua a credere.
Give me a heart that won't give in, give me a heart that doesn't fear. Or at least that's what I took from that.
I came back to Glasgow and started praying for a steady heart to be a stable foundation for my passion to return. I can't quite pinpoint the moment those prayers were answered, but I remember one day just thinking, 'Yo. I'm back.' I felt myself again. Life was back. Joy was back.
Ask the Holy Spirit to highlight any area where your feelings don’t align with what’s true (because God has said it). Surrender this to God and ask Him to help you walk in the truth!