When Duncan did the call for testimonies for 40 Days of Prayer, I sat in my seat and thought to myself ‘ach, I would contribute, shame I’ve not really had a significant answer to prayer recently.’ Almost immediately I rolled my eyes at myself. What was I on about? How come I always forget what God has done for me? I feel like the Israelites in the wilderness, constantly forgetting God’s faithfulness and provision and moaning that he’s not doing enough.
I’ve had huge answers to prayer recently. For health, wisdom, faith and peace. But the prayer I think God wants me to share is this one.
I came up to Glasgow in 2015 to start my nursing training. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. I was very shy and naive, I’d applied on a whim with no real understanding of what a nurse did. By the end of my first shift of placement, I thought ‘yup, this is for me’.
Then after a while, for some reason out of goodness knows where, the mental health condition that had been kept mostly under wraps for years exploded and wormed its way into every part of my life. At one point I was sat in a hospital room with a nurse and my psychiatrist, who said I would never be stable enough or resilient enough in my mental health to be able to finish my training or work as a nurse. She contacted the uni and they pulled me out.
Phew. What a blow. Felt like I’d been punched in the gut and all the remaining energy and motivation and hope for my future evaporated. Although in the corner of that room where I sat in pieces, I heard a still, quiet voice tell me I would still become a brave and kind nurse, and a ‘never’ spoken over me is not as powerful as my God.
Anyway fast forward a couple of years, I’m working as an HCA in the QE, loving it.
I got a letter from the uni. ‘Where have you been? Are you coming back to finish the course?’
What?! I thought this was a done deal.
I prayed relentlessly that I would be able to return to uni and complete my training.
But what if it’s too painful to pray for, too much risk to get my hopes up?
Boom. God provides courage.
But what if my current psychiatrist agrees with the first one?
Boom. Different care plans and expectations.
But it’s impossible, there’s not enough time!
Boom. God makes a way.
But I can’t afford it!
Boom. God unlocks funding.
I don’t know if I can do it!
Boom. God walks alongside me everyday.
And then,
But what if I don’t get a job?
Boom. A job in the department I requested.
But what if I don’t like it, or get too overwhelmed?
Boom. I like it, and God helps me deal with the overwhelm.
Prayer after prayer, God was listening. He made a path and gave me courage to follow. When each bump in the road arose, my faith fell and I almost gave up, fearful that God would abandon me and leave me covered in shame and embarrassment. But he never did. He never does.
The moral of this story and what I want to encourage you with in this 40 Days of Answered Prayer is:
1. Words spoken over us are powerful, but not as powerful as the words God speaks over us.
2. We can pray for things we want, not just things we need. I didn’t need this, but God is faithful and he is kind. I am his daughter and he knows my heart and my future.
3. Going to God in prayer and faith cannot lead to shame. He is not a God of shame. He is a God of freedom and grace. Of power and of might.
May Hughes
Re:Hope West End
Let this story expand your vision of our amazing God and His goodness to us, as you come to Him in prayer today!
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